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A story from the Third Doctor collection.

"The Removal Men", picture by Kenny Davidson

A short story by Simon Skupham

Sheila Dunn never knew what hit her.

She had been having a mid-morning brew when there came a knock at the door. Not expecting visitors, she had put the chain on the door before opening.

Some bloke in a suit, clutching a clipboard, said his name was Hoskins. He had someone else with him, Deveraux. They showed their identity passes - some Council Department.

What did they want with her?

They wanted to come in.

So she let them.

***

The Doctor was getting better use of the TARDIS now.

"Come on, Jo, we've got a whole Universe to choose from!"

His assistant shrugged and sat on a wooden stool. She had seemed rather tired since they had left Inter Minor. Space-sick, perhaps.

"You choose, Doctor, I wouldn't know where to start." She gave him a flash of that smile, and he decided she would be alright.

"Well, let's see. I wonder if you'd like to see Alcantussa... charming place as I recall." His hands moved over the buttons and gizmoes on the central console. He pressed in the co-ordinates, and they both felt the moment, as if the TARDIS had been cruising along and suddenly changed direction.

"I'll buy you a drink if you like."

Jo frowned. "Well, I don't drink that much..."

"The water springs of Alcantussa are some of the purest and finest in the whole galaxy."

She couldn't help smiling at that. "Okay, Doctor. Let's go."

***

Deveraux drove, whilst Hoskins read the maps.

"Where we going next, my son?"

"26 Perigee Heights. A Mr Tobias Dawson. Sedition, and his son has also been a problem before."

"Right."

***

The TARDIS landed on a patch of grass, and the Doctor was pleased to see that it was a beautifully sunny day.

Jo seemed to brighten up as she left the Police Box, and he was glad that her earlier mood seemed to have been dispelled.

"Right, Jo, I promised you a drink, didn't I? I think the Waterland Bar would make a good choice. This way, I think."

As they walked, the Doctor filled Jo in on what he knew of the history of Alcantussa.

"Colonised by settlers from Earth in the 34th century, who found that the planet was riddled with geysers and springs. The water didn't need much dilution, and some claimed it had restorative, even rejuvenative properties. After taking three years to set up a basic colony, they applied for a commercial licence, and the tourists started to swarm. A pleasant and quite charming little planet thrived."

"So water is the main commodity here?"

"Well, there are most of the trappings of cities and towns the Universe over, but its waters have helped form the bedrock of its economy, as I recall."

***

"Mr Dawson?"

The short, elderly man with grey hair and glasses looked up at the two strangers at his door. "Who wants to know?"

"Mr Tobias Dawson, of 26 Perigee Heights?"

"What is this about?"

Deveraux showed his card. "My colleague and I want to have a word with you."

"I'm busy."

"I'm afraid this is urgent, Sir. Council business."

"I didn't vote for this wretched Council. Useless bunch of hypocrites and crooks. They want locking up, and throwing away the key!"

The two men exchanged glances. "We must insist, Mr Dawson." They pushed him back into his house, stepping over the welcome mat.

***

The Waterland Bar was thriving, and the Doctor had to push his way to the bar. Jo looked at the menu, marvelling at the list of drinks on display. She had shrugged her shoulders in defeat, so the Doctor had ordered her a Sundown Cocktail, whilst he had a Starfall Surprise. They took the drinks, and went to sit at a wooden bench outside.

"Business looks like it's booming, Doctor."

"Yes, Jo. Always good to see people enjoying their lives." Nonetheless, he was definitely frowning.

"Is something the matter?"

"What? Oh, I'm sure it's nothing." He remained in a bemused expression. Over the course of the next five minutes, as she sipped her drink, and he took absent-minded gulps from his, she watched as his face eventually tipped over into full-scale concern.

"Go on, what is it? You can tell me, you know. I'll respect your confidentiality."

He seemed to snap out of it and see her face beaming up at him. It made a change from the way she seemed to be before. He forced a grin. "Well, I just get the feeling that something's going on here."

"Yes. Good times. Happy people."

"No, besides that." He seemed to be looking into the middle distance, at something intangible. "Something bad is going on here, and no-one's talking about it. I've been listening in on the conversations, and you can tell some of them know something's happening, and yet they can't grasp what."

"And you want us to sort it out?"

He held up his hands in a gesture admitting guilt. "Well, Jo, when have we ever managed to just get through a quiet drink without something going wrong?"

She laughed. "You're right. I knew that after Alistair gave me my initial briefing. Quiet times are few and far between."

"Do you mind?"

She stood up, finishing the last of her drink. "This is my job. Sort of."

He frowned directly at that. "Is that all this is? A job?"

She saw him look hurt. "Not just any job, Doctor. The best job in the world!"

He beamed with delight.

***

Tracy Ellis was watering her garden when there came an insistent knock at the front door.

"Round the back," she called.

When she looked again, the wooden door was ajar, and two men were stood there in black suits and somewhat diffident expressions.

"Hello?"

"Mrs Tracy Ellis?"

"Yes?"

"Mother of Paul Ellis?"

"Yes. What's happened?"

***

The problem, the Doctor admitted, was that he didn't really know where to start. After all, they had no concrete leads to follow, and the Doctor's deductions and instincts might just be mistaken.

To Jo's surprise, when she asked if he had any old friends they could look up, his face suddenly seemed to come to life. He even gave her a hug. Then he started off walking at a brisk pace.

The Doctor, of course, was trying to sustain Jo's interest. Any bits of detection she could claim would keep her happy.

***

"Who's next on the list?"

Hoskins sighed. "Mr Alexander Falkirk, father of Graham and Anthony. All three have full offence sheets."

"Naughty boys."

"Indeed. Do you want a drink after we sort this one out?"

"Yeah, that would be good. Try that new place on Zenith Plaza."

"Zenith Plaza? That'll be pricey!"

"Nah, just charge it as Account Expenses. I wouldn't take the wife there anyway."

"Oh."

***

Professor Jack Ratcliffe opened his door, and faced the couple stood there with his spectacles perched firmly on the end of his nose.

"Yes? Can I help you?"

"Professor Ratcliffe! How are you? I'm the Doctor."

Ratcliffe shook the strange man's hand. "Doctor..?"

"I've changed a bit since then. A lot, actually. You remember the Landfall Dance?"

Realisation finally dawned. "Doctor! After all this time... you have changed, haven't you?"

This was clearly a sore point. "Yes. Well, may I introduce you to Miss Josephine Grant, who is, er, my field assistant on this trip."

Jo took note, shaking the Professor's hand. "How do you do?"

"Much brighter for meeting you. Well, why don't you come in?"

"Thank you, Professor." The Doctor and Jo crossed into the Professor's flat.

"Now, Doctor, to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?"

***

"Look, I'll have to ring off, there's someone at the door. Yes, I love you too. See you later. Bye."

Alex replaced the receiver, then dolefully trudged to the door. With a mixture of annoyance and relaxation, he pulled the door open.

"Mr Falkirk?"

"Yes?"

"Could we come in? It's about your sons."

Alex frowned, then he saw the black removal van parked outside his house. His face lost all its colour. "You..." he breathed, pointing at them.

Deveraux pushed him back into his hall, and Hoskins followed, closing the door behind them.

***

The Doctor continued to let Jo take the inquisitive lead, and hoped she wouldn't feel that he was making her do all the work.

"So, the disappearances started about two years ago?"

"Yes, not long after the new Council was elected. The only information anyone could get was that it was some sort of secret team who were getting into people's homes, and doing away with the residents."

"Did they just take anyone, or was there some sort of pattern to it?"

"From what I have heard, every single one had made some sort of comment or gesture against the way things are run. Back-handed things, sometimes, but the result is always the same."

"What have you tried to do about them?"

"Records of the missing are kept, but as you know, Doctor, that's like describing a car crash by looking out of the rear windscreen. No-one has been able to track down who is taking the people away, let alone who is authorising them."

The Doctor nodded, then stood up. "I don't like this. Something must be done."

"What are you going to do?"

"Checking out this Council would be a start. Where do they meet nowadays?"

"In The Alcant Mausoleum, on Apex Heights."

"Oh, it's moved there, has it? Well, I remember how to get there. Are you coming, Jo?"

"Yes, alright." She stood up. "Thanks for your help, Professor."

He shook her hand. "Any help I can give to the Doctor is a pleasure. Besides, who knows if I'm next on the list!"

***

Deveraux switched into a higher gear. The van was slower with all the weight in the back. It probably wasn't the best time to go to Zenith Plaza, but he was thirsty now.

"After we go back to the depot, there's another four names down for this afternoon."

"Oh joy. I'd better make this a stiff one."

"Ha ha ha."

***

Most of the architecture Jo had seen so far today was quite extraordinary. It really made London look shabby by comparison.

But Apex Heights must be the jewel in the crown. It just shone with vibrancy, and... money.

The Doctor, of course, just breezed in, head held high. She asked him why he was so relaxed, when she felt so awestruck by their surroundings.

"It's a simple trick, Jo, but it's difficult to practise. Wherever you go, be it to a cathedral or a charnel house, treat everywhere with respect, but not reverence. Places that look successes, or failures, are basically all the same."

There was a security guard at the entrance to the Alcant Mausoleum.

"Halt! Who goes there?"

"Correct," replied the Doctor, and he strode to the automatic doors. Which did not open.

"I'm sorry, Sir, access is strictly on an appointment basis."

"Well, in that case, would you ask the person in charge of the Council if I could have an appointment with him?"

The guard gaped at the stranger's nerve, and he pushed an alarm button. "Look, Sir, you'd better stand still."

"Is it really so difficult to get an appointment? I am here on urgent business from another planet, and it is vital I get to see whoever is in charge."

The guard looked frantically for anything he could use as a weapon, a deterrent. "Sir, people don't just turn up without an appointment."

The Doctor sighed, and looked at Jo, who just shrugged. Then he remembered his watch... he fished it out of his pocket. "I wonder if you could tell me the time... my watch may have stopped."

The guard looked at the watch... and the Doctor started to sing.

***

Hoskins was also aware of the time. The large clock behind the bar suggested it was time to get back to work.

Unfortunately, Deveraux wasn't going anywhere. He had been so pleased that his credit was accepted here, that he had been knocking down doubles and triples for an hour. Admittedly, the intoxicating qualities of the drinks were minimal, but his bladder wouldn't be able to take much more punishment.

"Come on, mate, we've got work to do. They'll be wondering where we are at the depot."

Deveraux looked at this semi-stranger, who wanted to spoil his good time. He didn't like the idea of being stopped.

"Well, you go back, then. I'm fine here." He grinned at the bar staff, and they smiled back with a fraught politeness.

"You know I can't drive."

"Well, perhaps you should have thought of that sooner." He gave one final screwed-up grimace, then fell clean off his chair.

Hoskins threw his hands to his face in dismay.

***

The Doctor had taken all the guard's swipe-cards, and jammed the entrance with his sonic screwdriver. Time could be precious.

Jo had insisted that they didn't tie the man up, and the Doctor acquiesced.

A ground floor map had told them where to find the Council. They had taken the stairs, assuming that the lift could be stopped, in which case their actions would prove futile.

At length, they reached the top floor, and the Doctor found a key which corresponded to the penthouse suite. He swiped it open, and strode in.

The large table had a couple of dozen people sat around it, mostly men. As one, they turned in surprise to the door, baffled by the sudden intrusion.

"Drinks?" asked one, hopefully.

***

Hoskins had managed to put Deveraux into a fireman's lift, but he weighed more than he appeared, and it was a tricky job to get outside again.

He threw his colleague onto the passenger seat, and wondered what he could do. The barman had contacted the manager, who had offered to call for a taxi. But there was no way they could leave the van around. If it had been empty, perhaps, but with a morning's work in the back, there was no choice. He had fobbed them off with assurances of his safety, but now it came to it, sat behind the wheel, he was lost.

Surely they should be driving a less mechanised, more computerised vehicle for a job like this? So many buttons, and levers...

Hoskins looked down at Deveraux, still blotto on his seat. Then he looked at the contents of the van.

He started pressing a few buttons, and the van lurched into life. He had never really watched the things Deveraux did. It was a regimented routine they had, but now it seemed deeply flawed.

Gripping the wheel, he wondered what to press to make the blasted van move forwards. Nothing seemed to be working. In frustration and anger, he kicked at one of the levers on the floor.

The van jerked forward a few metres.

Straight into a parked vehicle.

Hoskins groaned, his body thrown forward (although he kept in his seat), head bouncing off the windscreen. Dejected and defeated, he leaned forward onto the wheel.

Then he heard the gentle but insistent sound of the police siren, and he knew there was going to be major trouble now. He had to move, he had to get away...

He opened the door, and there was the bar manager again, hands on hips, shaking an unimpressed head.

***

The Doctor had walked to the head of the table, introducing himself as a representative of the Earth Government (which, Jo thought, was not a total lie), and demanded to know the truth about allegations into 'mysterious disappearances'.

A man who had introduced himself as Hawkins, Council leader, had stood up to shake the Doctor's hand, but denied all knowledge of missing persons.

"Now, I'll give you another chance, man. My investigation shows that someone is authorising the disappearances of several hundred citizens of your fine city. It has to be someone on the Council to have the resources to conduct such a campaign without raising a stink. So, either whichever one of you it is owns up, and then the rest of you can be considered free to pass about your regular business, or else I am forced to place you all under arrest."

Hawkins looked at the Council. Some looked away guiltily, some looked baffled by the whole interruption, some seemed panicky, some simply leered at Jo.

"It was Briggs!"

The Doctor turned to see a slim, mildly shaved young man stand up and point desperately to the man on his right.

"Are you certain of that, Sir?"

"Yes! Briggs runs the Ministry of Removal, and he gives rota sheets to his men, and they go around the city... removing people."

"Killing them?"

At this, he seemed to lose his voice. "They're removed," he said, finally.

"Well, what do you have to say, Mr Briggs? I must say, for a man accused of mass murder, you seem awfully calm."

Hawkins stepped in. "Now, Doctor, I think this is not the time for silly accusations."

The Doctor stared at him. Then he stared around the table, and this time, the stares were more uniform. "My goodness, you're all a party to this, aren't you?"

There was a knock at the door, and with no one replying, in rushed the guard. He saw the Doctor, and the rest of the Council, and he seemed to dither. "Er... there's something on the news."

Jo now noticed the video screen at the end of the room, and when the guard switched it on, they all saw the images. There was a female reporter stood with her face to the camera, talking into a microphone : -

'Here in Zenith Plaza, a shocking discovery has been made. This van behind me contains the dead bodies of six citizens of our city. The two men in charge of the vehicle claim to be working with the direct authority of the Council. One is incapacitated, the other seems to be in the throes of some form of psychological disorder. With me now is Professor Ratcliffe, a leading light from the Alcant University.'

'Well, Suzy, there have been rumours for a while now about missing persons, and it seems that we now have solid proof. The Council, who we trust to run our city, have been systematically killing off dissidents for their own ends.'

'Is it possible that these two men are simply escaped lunatics, psychopaths with a far-fetched cover story?'

'No, these men will have employment records at the Council's Information Bureau, their vehicle will be registered likewise, and the documentation the police have found in the vehicle confirms their unlikely, yet devastating, story.'

'So there you have it. Already there are police vehicles making their way toward the Alcant Mausoleum, where the Council are currently sitting. It is believed that an unknown couple have entered the Council, and are undertaking to detain the suspects until the police arrive.'

The story went on, but the mood had changed. The Doctor stared at the members of the Council. Even Hawkins had sat down now, head bowed.

"To think, when I helped out here three centuries ago, I was making a city safe for this sort of horror to carry on in. I should take more care in future. Jo, pull up a chair. We're not leaving until all these people are in custody."

***

The Doctor shook Professor Ratcliffe's hand. "Thank you for your help, Professor. I'm only sorry I couldn't have saved more lives sooner."

"Doctor, if you hadn't been around, none of this would have come to light."

The Doctor nodded, but said nothing. He knew he hadn't been all that helpful, but if it helped for someone to take the credit, he was willing.

***

Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor remained melancholy. Jo looked up at this wise old man, whom she had reason to respect and cherish, and she wondered what she could do to cheer him up.

"Doctor, why don't we go for a drink somewhere? It might cheer you up."

He smiled at her. After pressing a few buttons to put the TARDIS into a hover mode, he picked up his jacket. "I've got a better idea. There's a Food Machine lurking around somewhere..."


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