"Well, I do declare, the Prime Minister's balls get bigger ever year!"
The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Benny!" he said warningly.
"What?" replied his companion, brushing invisible lint off her pink ball gown.
"This is no time for bad jokes," the Doctor told her.
"I disagree," Benny said, smiling sweetly. "Any time is the time for bad jokes. Especially travelling with you."
The Doctor just scowled and straightened his bow tie. He was dressed in a black dinner jacket and white shirt. Benny couldn't help but marvel at how smart he looked.
"Anyway, I know some good jokes too," she said defensively. "My friend Paul sent me a great one once from a latrine wall on a Martian colony. If you're going to pull a Sentan lizard's tail, make sure you're wearing your battle armour!"
Benny dissolved into a fit of giggles. The Doctor just raised an eyebrow.
Benny sighed. "How many Sontarans does it take to change a lightbulb?" she ventured.
"I don't think so."
"You're no fun anymore."
Now it was the Doctor's turn to sigh. "We're not here to have fun," he reminded her. "We're here to look into the concerns of the Prime Minister of Fendos."
"Since when have you been interested in politics, anyway?"
"I'm not. I'm just helping out an old friend."
"Thendor Trisk?"
The Doctor nodded. "I met him when he was just a provisional governor of this colony. I never thought he would rise to Prime Minister."
"And now he needs your help?"
"OUR help," the Doctor stressed. "He's concerned about the sudden rise in his opposition's popularity. There seems to be no reason for it that I can see. Then there's the reports of the lake monster we've heard about."
"But that's nonsense, surely!"
"Never write off anything as nonsense, Benny, without proof."
"So, we have to mingle with the top knobs of Fendos, at a function with free food, free drink, wall to wall handsome men. I'm sorry, I've forgotten what my point was."
"Well," said the Doctor, nudging her discreetly, "I think we're about to get some action."
On a platform at the far end of the ballroom, a man was approaching a microphone. He cleared his throat.
"Citizens of Fendos, your attention please. As you may know, I am Hindon Lesk, leader of the Free Fendos Party. I would like to thank our host, Prime Minister Trisk. I would like to point out, however, that there are people living on the streets of Fendo City, starving. While we stuff our faces! Well, I for one will have no part of it. I'm taking this plate of food out into the street and I'll give it to the first starving person I find!"
So saying, Lesk took the plate of food and walked off the platform. He started walking to a few clapped hands and left the room to thunderous applause. A stream of people left after him, all carrying food.
"Well, he had them eating out of the palm of his hand," Benny observed. The Doctor shot her a filthy look. "Sorry."
"Did you notice anything?" the Doctor inquired.
Benny nodded. "Lesk's body language. It was all wrong. But I'm not sure why."
The Doctor smiled. "That's because I don't think Lesk is human!"
"So, what do we do?" Benny asked, filling her role as companion admirably, she thought.
The Doctor picked up a plate of food. "We follow them, of course." So saying, he marched after the crowd flocking towards the exits.
"Of course," Benny repeated, picking up a plate of her own and following the Doctor.
***
Outside, she had a bit of difficulty spotting the diminutive Time Lord. She was used to seeing him dressed in his brown jacket and checked trousers. Now he was dressed just like all the other men at the ball. Only his lack of height gave him away among the taller Fendans.
"What's happening?" she asked as she caught up with him.
In answer, he pointed. Ahead of them was Lesk, leader of the Free Fendos Party, walking into an alley with one of his close aides. They seemed in a hurry.
"Shall we follow them?" Benny asked. The Doctor replied by setting off for the alley. Benny sighed.
"A straight 'yes, Benny' would be nice once in a while," she muttered, sneaking after the Doctor towards the mouth of the alley.
At the threshold of the alley, they paused. The Doctor peered round the corner, then beckoned her to follow.
They entered the alley to see two shadowy figures leaving the other end. They hurried to catch up.
"Was that them?" Benny inquired.
"Yes, Benny," the Doctor replied, looking pointedly at his companion. She winced, cursing his superior hearing.
The alley opened into a small back street. Lesk and his aide were just entering a doorway.
The Doctor and Benny crept closer to the little house, ducking under the front window as a light was lit inside.
"What do you hope to find?" Benny asked, her back pressed against the cold stone.
"What type of alien Lesk is. Why they are interfering with the running of a human colony. How the Free Fendos Party has transformed from a fringe group on the verge of bankruptcy into the only real opposition in just two months. Little things like that."
"Right," Benny replied. "Do we break in?"
"No, I thought we might let ourselves get caught."
"Hmm. How do we do that?"
"By straightening up slowly, then standing very still."
"Ah," Benny commented, noticing the man pointing the gun at them at last. She followed the Doctor's suggestion.
The Doctor smiled at the man. "Take me to your leader?" he ventured hopefully.
Benny sighed.
***
Inside the house, the Doctor and Benny, still at gunpoint, were shown into the presence of Hindon Lesk.
"I remember seeing you at the reception," Lesk commented.
The Doctor nodded. "I don't suppose you'd believe we're starving and looking for a free meal?" Lesk shook his head. "Worth a try."
"Why did you follow me back here?" Lesk asked.
"Because we know you're an alien and up to no good. Is that a good enough reason?"
Lesk laughed. "It is," he told them. "How did you know I was an alien?"
"Body language," Benny said.
"Hmm. Maybe I should 'speak' like this." So saying, Lesk began to blur around the edges. Within thirty seconds the man had dissolved, replaced by a lumpy, orange skinned creature with small eyes and a hiss when it breathed.
"I should have known," the Doctor sighed. "The typical morphic abilities of a Zygon!"
"You know our species?" the Zygon hissed.
"I've encountered your race before, yes," the Doctor confirmed. "I thought petty politics was beneath even the Zygons."
"Ah, but this is so much more," the Zygon/Lesk stated.
"Go on, then," the Doctor prodded. "What is your master plan?"
"When our homeworld was destroyed, our empire crumbled. Now we have a new homeworld we can rebuild our powerbase, better than before."
"And Fendos?" Benny asked.
"This world was on the borders of our empire when it fell. We intend to claim it now."
"Yes, by stealth," the Doctor commented. "You disguise yourself as an opposition politician, make yourself popular just before an election, then seize power. Am I right?"
"You are very clever, Doctor. A little too clever." The Zygon turned to its still human shaped aide. "Search them, then lock them in the cellar."
"Yes, Leader Kardom," replied the aide. He swiftly went through the Doctor's pockets, then moved over to Benny.
"Any funny stuff, Mister, and you get my knee right where it hurts," she told him as he patted her pockets. She looked over at the Doctor. "Does a Zygon feel pain in that area?" she asked.
The Doctor shook his head. She sighed. "And I left my can of Mace in my other bag," she complained as the aide led them away.
***
Benny hated cellars. Well, cellars that were empty of wine of course. Or any other sort of drink. Like this one. Bare walls, a bare floor, bare ceiling. One small window, high up, that even a mouse would have difficulty crawling through.
"Now what?" she asked the Doctor, who seemed far too cheerful.
"Now, my dear Benny, we escape." He pulled a slim tube from his pocket like a rabbit from a magician's hat.
"Your sonic screwdriver! How did they miss that?"
The Doctor just tapped the side of his nose with the sonic screwdriver and set to work on the lock.
Within two minutes they were sneaking out the back door of the house.
"Well, that was easy," Benny exclaimed when they were half a mile from the cellar.
"Hmm. Probably a little too easy," the Doctor said.
***
"Leader Kardom, the prisoners have escaped," reported the aide some minutes later.
Kardom/Lesk, still in his Zygon form, smiled as best he could. "Good. Now we can learn of their plans."
***
The Doctor rummaged around in the pocket of his dinner jacket. He pulled out a slim, rectangular slab that glowed slightly.
"What is that? It looks organic."
The Doctor smiled. "It is. It's Zygon technology. It's a Skarasen homing device. Slimline model, I see."
Benny was none the wiser and said so.
"Basically, it calls the monster under the lake, which devours the device and anything with it. That aide must have slipped it into my pocket during the search."
"So they let us escape to kill you?"
The Doctor shook his head. "Oh, no. Kardom has been much more subtle than that. But I have a plan!"
***
"Doctor!" exclaimed Thendor Trisk. "I was beginning to think that you had jumped back in the TARDIS and left us!"
The Doctor grinned. "No such luck, old friend. Tell me, have you had the decorators in the office lately?"
Trisk looked at them strangely. "Yes, last month, why?"
The Doctor put his arm around his old friend's shoulder. "I need the facilities of your finest chemical laboratory."
"What is it, Doctor? What's wrong?"
"You have Zygons under the lake," the Doctor told him.
"Zygons?"
The Doctor nodded. "A nasty species of shape shifters that keep monsters for pets. Now, show me your laboratory!"
***
Two hours later, the Doctor emerged with a triumphant grin. He handed a slip of paper to the Prime Minister.
"I'll need this formula made up to this quantity," he said. "What sort of surface to air missile system do you have?"
Trisk looked blank as the Doctor explained his plan to him and Benny.
***
The Doctor, Benny and Trisk walked into the Prime Minister's office.
"So, you can send the police to the address I gave you?" said the Doctor loudly.
"No problem," Trisk replied, looking round the room. The Doctor shook his head slightly.
"Let's hope the Zygons haven't moved yet," Benny almost shouted.
"Oh, they're creatures of habit," the Doctor told them. "They'll still be there." He winked at his friends.
***
Kardom watched the exchange on a monitor. He smiled. He and his fellows would be away before Trisk could send his forces against them.
"I think I'll go for a stroll by the lake," the Doctor said. "I'll let you deal with the Zygons."
"Enjoy the nice weather, Doctor," Benny said, waving as he left the room.
Kardom chuckled and reached for a control on the organic console in front of him. The Doctor had outlived his usefulness.
***
"Is everyone in position?" Benny asked Trisk.
"Yes, we have everything ready," Trisk replied. He handed Benny a pair of high powered binoculars.
She raised them to her eyes. By the lake, a small man in a dinner jacket was walking, swinging his umbrella.
***
The Doctor whistled tunelessly as he twirled his umbrella. His other hand was thrust deep in his pocket, where the Skarasen homing device was tingling.
Suddenly the waters of the lake erupted as a huge head burst through, followed by a long neck. The creature roared once and bent it's head towards the Doctor.
"Fire!" Benny shouted as the monstrous head broke the surface.
The operator on the missile launcher pressed the firing stud and the surface to air missile shot from it's launcher. It streaked out towards the lake.
As the monster bent towards the Time Lord, the missile burst overhead, showering the contents over both.
The Skarasen was momentarily disorientated. During it's confusion the Doctor threw the homing device as far into the lake as he could.
"Fetch, boy," he said, wiping pale liquid out of his eyes. As if responding to the command, the Skarasen turned after the device and disappeared under the surface.
Benny ran up to the Doctor. "Are you alright?" she asked.
"I'm fine," the Doctor confirmed, looking down at his soaked dinner jacket. "I think I'll need a new outfit for our next ball," he added sadly.
Benny hugged him, despite the fact he was dripping.
***
An hour later and the Doctor was dry again. He was also back in his familiar brown jacket, checked trousers and panama hat.
He stood in the centre of Trisk's office, flanked by the Prime Minister and Benny. He spread his arms wide.
"Kardom, I know you can hear me, and possibly see me too. We need to talk. There is a communications unit beside the desk here. I'm sure you know the number. Call us."
A few minutes later the communications set beeped. Trisk answered. It was Lesk.
"Ah, there you are," the Doctor said. "You can drop the act now, we know who you are."
The figure transformed into an orange/green skinned alien. "What do you want, Doctor?"
"I want you to leave this planet," the Doctor told him. "The sooner the better."
Kardom hissed a chuckle. "Why should we do that? You cannot prove we are here. The people of this colony will elect Lesk at the forthcoming election and we shall remake this world."
"You look a little tired," the Doctor said, peering at the image on the screen. "Have you had your quota of Skarasen milk today?"
Kardom looked sharply at the Doctor. He knew something was up. "What have you done?"
The Doctor smiled. "The Fendon military are not the bad shots you may think. The missile was supposed to burst over the Skarasen. It covered the creature in a liquid which is absorbed by the skin and is very potent. It is also very bad for your species. I've given the formula to the Fendon government, to put into all their lakes and rivers."
"You lie!" stormed Kardom. He was interrupted by another Zygon, who whispered in his ears. He flushed a brighter shade of orange.
Kardom glowered out of the screen. "You have crippled us, Doctor. We cannot drink the Skarasen milk. We need it to survive, as I'm sure you know."
"So, you'll leave then?"
"We must! You have cost us dear, Doctor. You will be remembered." The connection was cut sharply.
"Is that it then? They'll just go?" Trisk wanted to know.
"They cannot survive longer than a day without Skarasen milk. They have no choice. It will take them nearly that long to reach a colony world."
"Will they try to damage Fendos before they leave?"
"I don't think they can. They'll be in a scout ship, which is lightly armed." As they spoke a roaring sound could be heard. They rushed to the window to see a small ship rising from the lake and speeding into the sky.
"So, basically, you soured the milk," Benny said.
The Doctor grinned. "You could say that. Now, milkshake anyone?"
