Luneday 14th
Heard the news today, it's the only news they're showing. Wow, I still can't believe it. The President is due to make an address soon. Still can't take it all in, what are we going to do? People are packing the streets and churches. Everyone has the same look of disbelief, no one can quite take it all in. Our planet has been thrown out of its orbit, pretty wild huh?
Fuiday 15th
The President was shot dead, while he made his speech. Wow, it was intense, riots are breaking out all over the city. Parents are trying to explain things to Pourah and Cinma; sometimes I envy their naivety. I wish I didn't know that the world was going to end.
Woodenday 16th
So cold now, snow is falling in the streets non-stop. The scientists on TV are saying that we are leaving the habitable zone of our star. There's kids out there making snowmen and they're laughing and playing and pretty soon it will be too cold to go outside at all. There is talk of drawing our atmosphere into specially constructed shelters, which we will need to live inside by next year. Looking forward to seeing Rauw tonight, he makes me feel like there's something worth living for. We haven't had a proper dawn now for three days and I just know we're all going to die soon. Being with him makes me forget all of that if only for a few minutes. I might kiss him tonight.
Tawsday 17th
Not much point having days now really is there? It just reminds me of what we've lost. The new President is urging everyone to pull together so that we can somehow survive this catastrophe. He said that we would return back to our orbit but not for a long, long time. If our people are to stand any chance of existing until then we must radically change a lot of our values and thoughts. They are already completing the first few survival bunkers that we will have to live in from now on. Because of Mum's job we're one of the first families to move in. Dad is looking forward to the change and has us all assigned to our tasks. I might start sorting my clothes out tomorrow. Last night with Rauw was pretty good; I kissed him twice I'm so shameless. I feel so happy but his parents don't qualify for the first group to be in the bunkers. I have to see him tonight.
There, I've called him and he's on his way over. Thank goodness he lives in our block otherwise he'd have to take the under city tunnels and there are rumours of scavenger groups living down there.
Paiday 18th
Worst day of my existence on this planet. I have been grounded for not making a start on packing all my stuff up. Last night was the greatest though; we kissed for what seemed like an eternity. Must go now, parents are coming along the hall.
I never thought I'd finish packing but finally all my stuff has been put into the storage crates. All I have left is a bag containing my millions of bottles of nail polish, my rag doll and a few other personal items. I don't even have my own hairbrush now, it's now on it's way towards our new house while we take a separate vehicle towards the bunker.
Day 1
As you can see, I've started my own personal calendar. Today is the first day of our new life here in Green Sector. Each family have their own allotted rooms but we share communal hygiene areas to be more efficient. Thankfully it's gender segregated, the last thing I want is a fifty-year old perv watching me as I get showered. Made some new friends already but I miss Rauw like mad. Cinma's being a pain so I'll write some more tomorrow.
Day 2
Parents are very concerned about Cinma, she's crying all the time and complaining about her head hurting. Mum is at work so Dad has taken her to the medical centre. I'm stuck baby-sitting my little brother Pourah. Mum has come home from work and she says that Cinma is very poorly. She's one of the first to feel the effects of reduced gravity now that we're farther away from the sun. I hope she gets better soon.
Day 3
Cinma's slipped into a coma. Parents are with her. I'm too numb to write more.
Day 4
Cinma's still out of it. I hope she gets better soon. I have so much to tell her.
Day 5
Cinma died yesterday evening. Parents are in shock and they had to be sedated. I told Pourah and we cried together for a while before we were taken to see Cinma. She looked so peaceful, as if she was just asleep. They say that others are being affected too and the death toll is rising. My beautiful baby sister, whose eyes were like tiny brown stars.
Day 6
Bad cramps today, feeling much worse than usual. Dad is frightened that I will be next to die but I reassured him that it's nothing I can't handle. Mum is still being sedated and Pourah is crying on and off for Cinma. Lots of blood from there, and I used three today just to keep up and it wasn't due for another week and a half.
Day 7
Cinma's funeral. Could barely stand through the ceremony. My stomach feels like it's going to explode any second. Went to the medical centre to see someone, apparently my whole cycle has been thrown off and they're very worried. There is a chance I might never have kids of my own. This week has been pretty bad for everyone but all of Green Sector are having a party tonight to celebrate our first week underground.
Day 10
The last three days have been hell. I don't know if I can talk about it but I'll just try to do my best. My womb was removed just after the party when I started to bleed uncontrollably. I can never have children now. I feel like an empty sack with arms and legs. All my plans for the future have vanished, the large family I wanted will never happen now. Rauw won't want to marry a woman who can't have kids will he? They're saying if many more young women suffer the same problems as I did then the future of our society could be in doubt. I know of five others thanks to the support group I've started to attend. They were very supportive when I was crying my eyes out and I helped them when they were at their most vulnerable too.
Day 11
Taiime, one of the girls in my support group has killed herself. Her suicide note says that she doesn't want to live if she can't have the children she so badly wanted. Parents have me under twenty-four-hour surveillance. What I wouldn't give for a few hours privacy just to think things through by myself.
Day 12
Dad's hair is falling out, it's so funny although he's very upset about it. They say it's due to a circulation problem due to the lower gravity. Personally Mum's a little happier as her chest doesn't sag quite as much now.
Day 23
Has it really been this long since I last spoke? They've put us in a special school, to keep us occupied during the day. I hate it, it's so dull.
Day 27
I hate school.
Day 28
I love school, met Biran; he's such a hunk. We kissed today on our way home and he hugged me too. I feel so happy.
Day 29
Lots of kissing today. Introduced Biran to Mum and Dad; they like him. I talked to Caelri about it on the telephone for five hours. She's so jealous and happy for me.
Day 34
My first month without any cramps. I don't miss those one little bit. Mum has been lecturing me about sex. She says that just because I can't get pregnant is no excuse to sleep around with boys. She's right but Biran means so much more to me than that. I think he may be the one for me. Pourah's birthday next week, I'll have to buy him a present.
Day 36
Broke up with Biran, I wish I was dead. He was so nice about it but only an hour later I saw him kissing Midna. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her.
Day 37
Pushed Midna into the fountain at school today in front of everybody. They all laughed at her when she got out of the water, she looked like a drowned rat. A drowned rat with a big chest though. Is that all Biran likes her for? I thought he was better than that. Maybe she's doing me a favour? I still hate her though.
Day 39
Pourah's birthday. He loved the Viddychunky toy I got him. He calls it Cinma, which upset Mum at first, but now she thinks that it's better that he remembers his sister's name. I miss her too; she was so silly and cute.
Day 54
Lots to tell you, I have gotten back with Biran. You should have seen Midna's face when I told her. His parents are so nice and his dad works in the same department as Mum. His sister reminds me of Cinma and at first I was a little upset but when I told them about her they were very sympathetic and understanding. Then I spent a week with a bunch of other girls on a sort of camping holiday. We camped in tents and told dirty jokes and gossiped about boys. I'm sorry I forgot to take you in all the rush of packing. Got to go, Biran's here.
Day 55
Biran looked so cute in his tight trousers, I must have spent all night staring at his bottom. Today is more school.
Day 56
Odd day at school today. I was measured and weighed. They seemed concerned so I'm officially on a diet. I was given a strange orangey drink, which tasted a bit funny.
Day 58
They say my insides are being affected; all my organs and stuff aren't coping very well. They've scheduled more tests for me.
Day 72
Out of hospital at last. I hate that place. They had to remove most of my internal organs and replace them with newly developed artificial ones. Dad is still in hospital recovering from surgery. Mum and Pourah are due in next week. They say that everyone may require this procedure by the end of the year. I'm scared but Biran's here to comfort me.
Day 75
Dad is out of hospital at last. I've been helping him to adjust, as I'm now the family expert. It does feel strange with the extra weight but it's not so bad. Biran's coming round tonight, he's so cute. I could just kiss him forever.
Day 76
Today I'm a woman. Last night was so perfect as we made love together. He was so gentle and understanding with me. I was so scared at first but I quickly began to enjoy it. I am such a dirty woman, all I can think about is that special moment.
Day 78
Dumped scumbag Biran when he told everyone about me being an easy lay. Why are all men pigs? It turns out he was seeing Midna all the time and everyone knew about it. I hate them all.
Day 81
Woke up with terrible pains in my arms and legs, they say my muscles and bones are deteriorating fast. There is an operation I can have but it is very scary. They want to replace my damaged muscles and bones with mechanical parts. Very few pieces will survive the deterioration process anyway. Mum needs the process too; they say that woman are more susceptible to this deterioration than men.
Day 82
My last day before I go back into hospital. I'm petrified. I hope we get beds next to each other. Mum asked me if I wanted to be with a boy tonight but after Biran I hate them all. She smiled and said that she understands. It may be a while before I write my next message.
Day 97
They released me today. I feel like a freak. Hardly anything that was once me remains. A few scraps of muscle and bone and ironically my forearms and hands. My head and face are unaffected too although my scalp is bald from where they had to connect the control circuits to my brain. They fitted a covering over the back of my head, where the wires go into my skull, to prevent infection.
Day 98
My body is so strong now! I have far more strength than I used to. I have been taken out of my old school and put into a new one with others who have had the same operation I have had. I have learned so much already, they say that the procedure has made the learning process a lot simpler. I am still upset that my boobs were removed due to the external part of my life support system. It doesn't feel very feminine. At least I still have my make up and jewellery and you couldn't mistake these hips for a boys.
Day 99
I hardly need to sleep these days. Mum agrees with me and she often spends several days at work before returning home. Had my body checked over today and everything is working fine. They gave me a manicure and painted my fingernails silver to match the colour of my body suit. I wonder where I can get some silver lipstick? It would look so neat.
Day 108
Just spent over a week at school soaking up knowledge. They say that I can have extra memory chips put into my brain to increase my memory capacity. I can then begin to be trained in one of many job opportunities. I feel so happy, there are so many things I can do that an unmodified woman can't. I could easily work in construction, with my improved strength it's just the same as a modified man's now. I'd prefer to do medical work though, helping the newly modified to adapt to their new bodies. I can barely remember feeling unmodified now, I think that's a good thing that I'm coping.
Day 115
My first day at work and I helped a boy to get used to his new body. He was scared at first, well we all were. However I quickly got to know him and I ran him through his system diagnostic subroutine. I showed him how strong and clever he is and that it's okay to be scared at first. I think he's going to do fine. I have an appointment tomorrow to complete his adaptive training before he's sent off to the school for programming.
Day 145
A bad day at work. I lost a girl about my age. She couldn't handle the stress of her modification and she suffered a massive brain seizure. She was the first one that I've lost and I spent an hour in intensive psychiatric observation so that they could calm my own fears down. Luckily they can recycle her mechanical components, which makes me feel a little better.
Day 188
Dad was modified today. Saw him after the conversion. He looked well. Unfortunately I won't be the one assisting him. I did learn that Pourah is scheduled for next week. I must try and get him assigned to me. I miss my little brother.
Day 193
Pourah has been assigned to me. He loves his new body and he's really looking forward to the school. They say that over a quarter of the population have been converted now and the President is urging people to volunteer now for the treatment rather than wait until it becomes necessary. I rarely have time for anything these days, as we're so busy. I'm scheduled for a system check next month and there are rumours about an upgrade floating about.
Day 205
My systems have been under a lot of wear and tear. A lot of my joints need replacing, especially my knees as I spend a lot of my time walking or standing. I've already had my coolant fluid replaced and I can feel the benefit.
Day 206
More chips inserted into my head. I can think much faster now and I have a dedicated diagnostic processor to make my job a lot easier. I think that soon I might have more silicon chips in my head than brain cells. Nurse looked at me as I was laughing so much. He says that he wishes all his patients came with off switches, which cracked me up even more.
Day 278
Been so busy with a huge influx of volunteers but finally I've had a chance to write some more. Good news first. I have new eyes; this means no more geeky glasses, and perfect eyesight. Better than perfect as I can scan my subjects systems without the need for a manual interface lead. A touch of silver mascara, I'm totally into the silver make up now. I keep telling my boss that as soon as they come up with steel teeth I'll be the first in the line to get them. He said that he believed me, as long as I got the time off first.
Day 301
The President has been on TV to make a major announcement. Mondas has now passed out of the solar system. The news doesn't bother me that much really, I'm so involved with my job. They say that within the next week or so fully one half of the population will be converted. There is a very good chance of our people surviving for a long time. This makes me feel happy and almost glad that I cannot have children, as they would miss out on so much until they were ready for conversion.
Day 304
My system has had the new upgrade. From now on we are not dependant on food and batteries to maintain our power levels. We can all draw as much power as we need from the large number of nuclear reactors that have been specially constructed. At last we are truly independent of nature, we can live for as long as our brain cells exist.
Day 313
Lost another patient today. He jumped to his death before I could get near him. He said that he had been converted against his wishes. That would mean that he wanted to die. I cannot understand such a suicidal act but after a long psychological readjustment I came to see that we are better off without such negative attitudes if our people are to survive.
Day 334
Really bad news, there is a brain disease sweeping through the modified community. It attacks the brain and consumes the brain cells. The President is to issue a statement soon.
Day 335
Such daring, I am moved to tears. The President has announced a brave plan to replace parts of our brains with a neural processor that stores all our memories and personality so that even if we become affected we can continue on largely unaffected. There is even a proposal to further this idea to fully protect us. I favour the second idea, as we cannot afford to lose any information that could be vital to our survival.
Day 340
The President is the first to be fully modified. He has called upon us all to volunteer for the operation to maximise efficiency and ensure our survival. I'm not sure about the voice, it seems strange but they can always work on it at a later date. I'm not down for the operation for another ten weeks, which is upsetting, but the newly modified must take priority.
Day 365
The end of year one here. Our people have been forced to adapt to survive and we have risen magnificently to the challenge. The fully modified can go out onto the planet's surface and already they are beginning the great task of building massive engines so that we can redirect our planet's path through space.
Day 389
Finally I'm due for my upgrade. I've talked to some of those who are already fully converted and they say that it is the best thing that has ever happened to them. The voice will take some getting used to but that's only one small thing. I'm really looking forward to my first day on the planet's surface since coming underground. They say it's very hard on the fluids but the thin veil of gases that remain mean that a vast number of stars can be seen everywhere you look.
Day 390
Woke up today and everything's so strange. The voice is not as bad as I had feared but I gladly took to wearing the optional silver mask. My skin is very dry and an odd colour. I look like the skin is sucked dry against what remains of my skull. My lower jaw was removed and a simple speaker wired up in its place. Now I have to process my sentences before opening my mouth to get the speaker to say the words. It was weird the first few times but I got used to it.
Day 405
Got a free day and went outside. It was as beautiful as they say. If I still had tear ducts my tears would have frozen into tiny shards of ice, as it was so cold. It's strange not needing to breathe but as all the unnecessary meat was replaced by a distress beacon I don't think I'll miss it.
Day 410
The President was run over today by an anti-conversion protestor. The Vice-President is calling for the few remaining unconverted people to come forward now, as they will be sanctions against those who killed our leader.
Day 423
Another rush of volunteers but I hardly ever need time off work now as I never get tired. I still have my twice-monthly systems checkups and my monthly coolant replacement so I get some free time to write stuff in here.
Day 456
The newly elected President has declared that any unmodified found will be converted for the good of the state. I'm not sure if this is the right attitude but once they are converted they all seem so much happier for it. My job is little more than a formality now as I just check to make sure everything has been installed correctly. They're thinking of reassigning me to the science division.
Day 459
Out of a job but I've been offered five new ones. The medical department want me to study unconverted bodies. The physics department want me to study new materials for body upgrades. The chemistry department want me to help in the mass production of coolant. The construction department want me to help in the construction of the space drives. However I have decided to take up the astronomy department's request to help in analysing the data they are collecting during our voyage.
Day 462
My brain is full of facts and figures. I know the names of every star in the sky and all the facts about them. Our group is working on a way to mine new minerals from asteroids and comets. I wish I could be the first to step foot off the planet onto one of those small worlds.
Day 477
More unrest as the President has declared that anyone resisting conversion will be killed for the good of our survival. It's sad to see people resisting such a great gift but our first goal must be to survive.
Day 480
I've just been issued with a weapon. Everyone is to carry them from now on. They attach under the chest panel and are a lot lighter than their bulk suggests. I hope I never have to use it but I think I would if it came down to it.
Day 495
All unconverted have been eliminated. The last band of resistors were killed when they attacked a group of modifieds trying to convert the final few. Finally our people have ushered in a new phase of existence and now the future awaits us.
Day 500
The President has dissolved the government and they have been replaced by a massive computer system known as the Planner. It advises the board of Controllers on everyday matters of survival and security. Already I can feel the Planner's presence seep into my mind and issuing new priorities in research and data gathering. It is a bold move and for the first time I think that things are looking better for our people.
Day 503
Research has been upped to find new sources of fuel to power the massive star drives that are being constructed. For three days I have never flinched in my task but it doesn't seem as if we can find the compound the Planner requires. Luckily I am due this break for my system diagnostic although they inform me that they are working on a way to monitor each individual's systems so that they only need to come in when a repair is necessary. This seems reasonable to me, as it will afford me much more time to get my job done.
Day 532
I found a large cloud of the compound we needed. I felt the cold appreciation of the Planner inside my mind thanking me for helping to ensure our people's continued survival. I feel so happy knowing that I have served my people so well.
Day 578
The star drives have finally been completed and tomorrow the testing begins. This will mean that we can head towards the vast cloud I found two months ago. I have been promoted to Lieutenant in recognition of my duty and service. I called my parents and told them the good news. They were so happy for me and our continued survival.
Day 580
Yesterday's test was a complete disaster. The engines burned out within seconds. It will take months to repair them. Luckily we have enough power to last us for 50 million years.
Day 613
My systems are due for an upgrade. I have been assigned to the crew of a scout ship to head towards the vast cloud and bring back samples. I will be conditioned to function without fluid coolant, as we will be in space for an extended period of time. Also I will have my own independent power supply once more instead of drawing off the planetary reserve.
Day 745
We have returned with the samples. The Planner was pleased with our success. The engines have almost been rebuilt now and soon we can proceed with the test once more.
Day 783
The test was a success but we only have limited mobility. All efforts have been put towards developing a new method of directing Mondas' flight. Our first course will put us near the cloud of fuel but we will still need to manually bring it over to Mondas. Once again I will be assigned to external work, as I am already adapted.
Day 805
We have arrived as close to the cloud as we can get. I feel lucky to have received this adaptation. No longer do I have to wear a silver mask to hide my emaciated flesh, instead my whole skull has been replaced by a more efficient metal casing which contains my neural processor, memory chips and the new modified homing beacon which can be accessed by removing the faceplate. Also my voice is by far improved and there is talk of upgrading for others in dangerous situations.
Day 903
Finally I have time to write a few things down. A small asteroid damaged me as we were drawing the fuel particles into the collection pods. One of my arms was destroyed below the elbow. Luckily I was one of the adapted models or the fluid loss (if it hadn't been so cold) would have been fatal. My new hand is entirely mechanical now but as you can see my writing is still just as lousy. I am thankful that my body is mostly mechanical as replacing a damaged limb is so straightforward and simple. The Planner indicates that a return to our star can be done much sooner than originally thought.
Day 1094
A space ship was drawn into our magnetic field. The aliens seemed friendly until we tried to convert them for their own good. We had to restrain them before our conversion machines could process them. I would have loved to help one of them through the post-conversion recovery but they weren't a problem. The Planner absorbed their memories and updated itself to make use of this new information. Then we downloaded their ships records into the Planner before cannibalising the ship for spares. Our astronomy charts were vastly improved but quickly we learned of a number of hostile races ahead. The Controllers put a proposal before the Planner; they requested that measures be taken to improve security.
Day 1106
Mondas bristles with a number of powerful weapons but the Planner is still working on a number of other possibilities to maximise our survival chances. I for one welcome the possibility of more security as our species survival must be our first mandate. We are approaching what could be a possible hostile species.
Day 1108
We have passed into the territory of a species that calls itself the Soorin. Their ships are weak and are easily defeated. Their strength lies in their manoeuvrability and number. They can bring a lot of firepower to bear and be out of range before our weapons can target most of them. Those Soorin we capture and convert add great knowledge to the Planner's databanks and perhaps soon we can win this battle.
Day 1121
We have defeated the Soorin. Their people have surrendered to us and we are converting them to help their people's survival. It is the best thing we can do for them; I think they will enjoy their new gifts.
Day 1208
Our people have been attacked twice more and some of our systems badly damaged. We have defeated our enemies however and remade them in our image to spread peace through the galaxy. The Planner is working on a new solution to our current problems.
Day 1245
After a short period of deliberation the Planner has come up with a radical new approach to ensuring our species survival. Our neural processors are to be upgraded to remove certain emotions from them that cloud judgment and purpose.
Day 1246
The Planner has decided that all emotions are to be removed. The Controllers have already been upgraded and they act with renewed intensity of purpose. As a Lieutenant I will have a while to wait as there are a lot of Leaders above me in the chain of command and many of the other departments will be processed before mine.
Day 1258
My Leader has been processed and he is very dedicated to his task. The only thing that matters to him is his duty and he expects nothing but the best from us at all times.
Day 1266
Our department is scheduled for the upgrade next week. Until then I have been removed from duty until my emotions have been removed and I can function properly. I tried reading a book earlier but couldn't get into it. I have asked that my remaining organic hand be replaced with a more efficient mechanical hand and I'm due to have that replaced tomorrow.
Day 1267
How do you like the new hand? It only took minutes to fit and I can write just as badly with it. Another spaceship was taken onboard today and I watched as a woman about my age was dragged towards a conversion machine, stripped of her clothes and then given the gift of bodily conversion. Her ugly organic figure was replaced with an attractive mechanical body and I later sought her out and found out that she was so happy to have joined such a marvellous culture. That was when the penny dropped. I'm happy to be me; I like this mechanical body. I don't want to feel indifferent about having such a great figure.
Day 1268
The Psychology machine has calmed my fears. To be a cybernetic human is a great gift and it is good to desire a mechanical existence but as a machine I should strive to be free of my emotions, as they will hold me back.
Day 1269
Only three days to go now and then it's my turn. I am standing on the surface of the planet as I write this, looking out into the infinite cosmos. When I try to imagine our future I don't just see us surviving, I see our fist closing around the stars and making the planets that encircle them our own. I see our people spreading through the stars like a silver river spreading peace through conversion.
Day 1270
Two more days to go. I think I'm looking forward to getting back to duty. As one of the adapted models I could be selected to take the advanced mission back home to prepare the way for our triumphant return. I watched the process today, a middle aged man and a Lieutenant just like me. He seemed to become more powerful and dedicated once his processor was adjusted to get rid of his emotions.
Day 1271
Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow is the big day. I took another walk onto the planet's surface today and tried to find the patterns among the stars that had once appealed to me as a child. I sat down on the frozen remains of a long demolished building and tried to remember a song my mother had taught me. It was not in my databanks however so I returned back inside to have the full radioactive decontamination procedure.
Day 1272
Today is the big day. When I got back to my room last night I found an unconverted waiting for me. I was going to report him but he doffed his slightly battered hat to me and began to sing the song from my childhood that I couldn't remember. We wore some strange clothes, strange even for an unconverted. His trousers were a strange check pattern and slightly too large for him. His jumper had an odd question mark pattern on them and he finished it off with a dark brown coat. He asked me if he could read my diaries. Somehow I agreed and once I finish this entry I'll hand you over to him. I must go now and somehow the sadness in the strange man's eyes gives me second thoughts but I have my duty to my people to help them survive. For some reason I want to end this with just one word ... goodbye.
